Tired of spending countless minutes reading and re-reading summaries and precis of lengthy novels? Now you can skip both the cost and the boredom of buying those nasty little emergency ribbon books.

Instead, here are Steve's Notes for free: everything you could possibly need to know about any novel from several famous novelists condensed into a single sentence (one sentence per novelist, that is).

Thomas Hardy

Life sucks, but it can always get worse, and generally it will.

Ernest Hemingway

Getting too attached to someone is a surefire way to get one or both of you killed.

William Styron

There is no personal or social problem that can't be solved by suicide or homicide.

Joseph Heller

Viewed from the right angle, even the most tragic of life's events is hilarious.

Kurt Vonnegut

Shouldn't you be thinking for yourself?